mental health day

I am wishy-washy. I change my mind often. Not in general but only with certain things in my life. I am unemployed, I’ve said that briefly once or twice. When my old place of business closed, I looked forward to having a little break, one or two weeks to really figure out what I wanted to do, that’s because the job I had was not ideal and wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. That “little” break has stretched into almost 5 months. I had thought by then that I would have really figured out what I want to do and it would be happening. But 5 months of doing the same thing everyday (looking for a job, finding nothing to apply for, getting frustrated and sitting around the house) gets boring, but that’s not even the right word for it, it’s beyond boring. So back when I found out that the shop I worked at was closing I started thinking about what I want to do. I thought I’d like to work in an art museum. Which I would, but I really don’t know what I’d do. I thought about conservation of the art work, but I don’t know anything about that and do I really want to do that? More recently, I’ve been thinking I don’t want to work in a museum, because it’s not really photography related, at least not what I thought I’d want to do in the museum. And what I’ve been interested in for a long time is production still photography, that’s a photographer who is on set at movies and tv shows and takes photographs of the actors doing their scenes and the various crew doing their jobs. The purpose is to document and possibly getting some shots that can be used for publicity. Something else about me is that I am a chicken. I don’t. do. not. like to step outside of my comfort zone. Back in October or November I got a call out of the blue from a director looking to hire a still photographer. He had gotten my name from a photographer I used to assist. We talked and he asked me to send him a resume and my portfolio. I never did. I knew I wasn’t qualified for the job and that I wouldn’t get it or even worse I would get the job…and have absolutely no idea what I was doing.
I’ve been researching still photography to find out anything that could be helpful. I’ve found a workshop for photographers who want to learn about breaking into still photography (don’t worry it’s a trusted school, taught by professionals who work in the industry). It’s a lot of money that I don’t have but even if I had the money, would I go…it’s stepping outside of that box I love so much to be inside of.
When I was in high school I was a “techie” otherwise know as part of the crew, stage hand to be exact, the people who dress in black (not goths) and move the sets around on stage between acts. I did this all four years and on the last two years I was stage crew MANAGER, that is right, I managed the stage. I loved being on the crew. It was like my job, I took it seriously and worked hard to make sure everything went smoothly and that everyone understood what they were doing. I loved being part of a team, a team that collaborated to fix problems and make things work better.
Although this is not directly related to film and television. I think it’s probably similar. And even though a photographer on set isn’t really part of that problem solving team, it’s still a mentality of being on the crew and being part of a team. And I would get to be part of that team while photographing, which is what I love doing.
So that’s where I am today, but like I said I’m wishy-washy and it could change next week. Here are some examples of still photography…in case you were wondering.

Kimberly French, Brokeback Mountain

Frank Masi, The Village

Lorey Sebastian, American Beauty

Lorey Sebastian, Anywhere But Here